1. I give a penalty for offside at the ruck. When explaining it to the captain he ask me who was offside and at the same time the player with the ball asks me if it is their penalty. I suddenly realise that I have the arm pointing the wrong way and say (totally in jest in a friendly game) "Ah yes well I was just pointing to the player and of course the penalty is to this side". I then change the signal around the right way and we are all happy. He says it was not helpful.
It's okay to get things wrong, the question is how to correct them. You are making it up here to cover yourself. Best to just say "Yes it is your PK, sorry pointed arm the wrong way, my mistake". Honest, and open. I normally see this sort of mistake in refs who are trying to rush things - slow it down. Whistle [pause] SLOW Primary Signal [pause] SLOW Secondary Signal. You have a lot more time than you think.
2. Yellow takes a quick throw in. I don't see the throw in and foolishly say "no quick one it has touched the touch judge". Would probably have got away with this, but was wired up and the assessor says everyone knew it had not, you lost credibility......guilty as charged......a bit of a dropped bollock really.
As I said above - it's okay to get things wrong - the question is how to correct it. You are (by your own admission) making it up. Be honest, be open. Combined with your "cover up" attempt above, this looks really bad.
3. Not straight line out. I start to offer options to blue and some one from the pack shouts out "scrum please sir". I move to the 15 m line and the captain from blue says "what was the other option?" I say "the throw again, do you want to change your mind? We could probably do that".
Blue made a decision. Not your fault if someone other that Captain took it. But that isn't my issue. My issue is with the comment: "We could
PROBABLY do that". Well, can you or can't you? Make a decision.
I don't care if you said: "Your player called the scrum, but did you want the lineout?" or "You player called the scrum, so the scrum it is, but for future - you could have had the lineout". In both cases you make a clear decision on if he can or can't change his mind. And if you are not letting them change their minds, you are putting the responsibility clearly on his players.
Will hold onto his advantage comments over the next week!
Always keep hold of the good, as well as the "must improve".
Reading this it seems like you are still nervous, and trying to impress the players, by trying to cover your mistakes. This also ties in with the tackle area - trying to be too nice and giving players too long, or not insisting they need to move.
Be firm, be decisive, and even at that level players can and will respond. And then you are likely to be promoted out of it, to where players EXPECT you to be firm and decisive.