Witty Comebacks

[pwhaling]

I had a game this weekend that had me thinking. It started with a choach yelling the old 'You have to let him up" chestnut, which made me smile. Which of course made the coach mad and yelled "Don't smile at me, you know I'm right. I've reffed more games than you've seen". He let it go after that so I didn't follow up with him, but this got me thinking about witty comebacks to coaches/players/refs/parents anyone who loves to tell us what we are doing wrong.

The best one I've ever heard was:

After a game a guy walks up to a senior ref and says 'You know I've been reffing for over 20 years" at which time the ref ducks and covers his head. The guy says 'What are you doing' to which he replys, "I was waiting for the balloons'.

So, does anyone else have any good comebacks or stories????

 

[damo]

My best ones are those I thought of on the drive home.

 

[crossref]

I like... And have even re used

But Sir, my hand was under the ball

Sorry, mate you don't have size five hands

 

[Drift]

Ball got kicked into in goal and hit a player warming up who was on the pitch. It was quite clearly going to go dead so I took it back for the scrum option and as I was explaining my decision one of the props said:
"You sure it was going dead sir?"
"Yeah, it's just simple physics"
"Oh, well I did history"

Had a good chuckle at that whilst packing the scrum.


My best comment to a player was a few weeks ago in a tour game. The number 9 was in my face for the first 15-20 minutes and after a try I called him over and said "See those guys in orange with the flags under the posts? Well they are here to help me today, not you. Just concentrate on your job and let me worry about what I am doing."

 

[ddjamo]

ummm...can we please keep to the request...witty only...

 

[ddjamo]

ooops...forgot the smiley....:smile:

 

[Dickie E]

The best one I've ever heard was:

After a game a guy walks up to a senior ref and says 'You know I've been reffing for over 20 years" at which time the ref ducks and covers his head. The guy says 'What are you doing' to which he replys, "I was waiting for the balloons'.

So, does anyone else have any good comebacks or stories????

The only danger with this is if the guy doesn't ask what you are doing. Kinda fizzles in that case.

 

[Ian_Cook]

ummm...can we please keep to the request...witty only...

Ahem, the OP's request was for....

.....any good comebacks or stories????

Still reckon my favorites are

► St Nige..... "this is not Soccer"

► Tana Umaga "we're not playing tiddlywinks here, mate!!"


Sort of go together those two

 

[Womble]

At a scrum i called at the tighthead " your boring, straighten up" His second row replied " you try going out for a beer with him" but the best I have ever heard was in a game I was playing in. A spectator screamed out referee your a W**ker, to which he replied, " its a pity your father wasn't"

 

[oldman]

Many years ago while playing the opposition scored by placing the ball on the try line. One of my team shouted 'It's on the line ref' who instantly replied 'Thank you for confirming my view, Try awarded.'

 

[dave_clark]

► St Nige..... "this is not Soccer"

iirc, this speech also started with "now i don't believe we've met, but i'm the referee". kind of set the tone!

 

[Lee Lifeson-Peart]

iirc, this speech also started with "now i don't believe we've met, but i'm the referee". kind of set the tone!

Witty = Patronising?

 

[Toby Warren]

Witty (well funny anyway) comeback

Gavin Henson to London Welsh?

 

[Simon Thomas]

iirc, this speech also started with "now i don't believe we've met, but i'm the referee". kind of set the tone!

Munster v Treviso and Tobias Botes meets St Nige here

Another Nigel cracker was Scarlets v Leinster here with him telling off both full teams

 

[pwhaling]

I just watched the New Zealand vs. Australia match, and Alain Rolland had a good one at the last scrum. Both sides are complaining that the other is wasting time, he says:
"You're waiting on them, they're waiting on you. There's 60,000 people waiting on all of us, so let's get this going."

 

[chalksta]

And Andrew Hore replies "It's 75 actually"

 

[beckett50]

There's always the classic Tony Spreadbury reposte to Laurence Dellaglio

"If you want cards, go to Clintons"!!

I have to admit to having used said reposte too

 

[Scarlet Al]

Player "climbing" all over another player on the floor:

"Hey, we're in Abertysswg, not on Mount Kilimanjaro mun!"

(Of course, Abertysswg is an example, enter any village / town name there!)

Used this a few times!

 

[Scarlet Al]

Mouthy player in process of being binned and protesting...

"The next 30 seconds are going to dictate your choice of which colour card you want to receive, ok?"

"Ok ref!"

 

[Scarlet Al]

"If you want to lie over a ball, yoga classes are on Tuesday!"