A few weeks ago I took a stand against the accepted level of abuse we have all (players, coaches and refs) allowed to become the norm in the game. My view, and others of course may differ, is that it is essential for all the stakeholders that we work to stamp out dissent to ensure the game is safe, enjoyable and gives players an almost unique chance to compete physically, mentally but safely.
I was asked to do an U16 league match. The game began, it was well contested, the away side was gaining dominance. The home captain queried a couple of my decisions (I was quite comfortable with my calls) and reminded him very politely about his rights as a captain and how he should exercise them, also warning him about his future conduct. There was an incident where I did not give the outcome he had expected, he again dissented from my decision so I calmly pulled out the yellow, told him he had left me no option and told him to leave for 10 minutes.
shortly after there was an injury and I invited the coach on to tend to his player. He came on but instead queried me about why I had yellow carded his captain, who "had a right to ...." I asked the coach exactly what the captain's privilege is, he was unable to define it, I wondered silently if that was the cause of the problem. The coach then racked up his invective and suggested in that case I should police the scrum properly.
I've been around the block a few times, and I could see where this was leading. I thought carefully and prepared my words while he carried on. I asked him first to stop, suggesting he was being a bad role model to his charges. He did not heed this advice so I held both my arms out to silence him then said very calmly "This abuse is unacceptable and I believe it to be not only contrary to the spirit of the game, but also endangering the players' safety through incitement. What is going to happen now is that I am ceasing to take a part in this match". I had already moved the conversation to near the other coach, so I was able to say quickly to the other coach. "Andy, I am withdrawing from this match due to the other coach's behaviour" and left the field.
The home side's blazers were, quite simply, excellent. Supportive, apologetic and thanked me for the calm and businesslike way I had handled it. I was given a phone where the organiser of the league was waiting to speak to me, he was made aware of the details, thanked me and I left the ground. The local RFU man has also been in touch to say thanks, and I gather the coach in question, not at all a particularly choppy coach, has admitted he went too far and an internal disciplinary committee has resolved the issue. I think also the biggest lesson was for the 30 players on the pitch.
What I am finding out is that there is a huge groundswell of support out there to fight the abuse. I have only ever sent one person off in my career, it was last month; a coach in a national colts game. Make of this what you will, but that team assessed my performance over the seven areas as good in three and outstanding in four. That's after I had sent off one of their coaches. Its almost as if there is a (regretfully) silent majority out there equally detesting this abuse, and who are just waiting for someone to take a stand. I have come to believe that there is a small group of coaches / supporters who have gone unchallenged...we are as responsible for this as the other stakeholders... and do not enjoy the support of the majority.
On a procedural note, it is important that we make it easy for teams to feedback on us, so they must be confident that they will always be given grading cards to complete which takes away any feelings of helplessness on their part, and makes it clear that that is the correct and sole avenue of criticism.
