chopper15
Learned Terrace Ref
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2007
- Messages
- 5,774
- Post Likes
- 3
1. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
2. Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
3. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
4. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid then I was petrified.
5. The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
6. A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
7. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin whilst mumbling to themselves, 3 hours later and they're still walking about doing the same. I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!
8.My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday,
so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70.
"Sod that," I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
9.Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
10. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance!
So I pushed her over.
11. I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
2. Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really," says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
3. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
4. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid then I was petrified.
5. The wife has been missing a week now.
Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
6. A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
7. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin whilst mumbling to themselves, 3 hours later and they're still walking about doing the same. I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!
8.My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday,
so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70.
"Sod that," I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
9.Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
10. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance!
So I pushed her over.
11. I start a new job in Seoul next week.
I thought it was a good Korea move.
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