Made me chuckle- for our overseas readers the Bank have one of the finest grounds in the land whereas the Honourable Artillery Company have the finest and most expensive rugby ground in the world (cue dissent from HongKong.) HAC is ostensibly the oldest territorial army unit (light armoured recce) but it's rugby team is now open and attracts nearby city types...
Bank of England:eng: 17-36 H.A.C.:horse:
"After a leisurely breakfast of French pastries, Italian coffee and a quick scan of the weekend FT the rag tag mob that make up the Bank of England 1st XV congregated at Bank Lane sports ground to welcome the top of the table team from across London, the Honourable Artillery Company.
Clearly overwhelmed by the prospect of playing on London's finest amateur rugby ground the alternative chaps from East London arrived in dribs and drabs and seemingly without any tackle bags or even their coach! Sensing that we may have caught these hipsters on an off day we warmed up with extra vim and huddled, loudly before the game to display our eagerness for the task at hand. After a last minute massage and the customary awarding of shirts to new caps from Sir Mervyn we took to the field fully intent on upsetting the opposition balance sheet and reducing their points difference with the same vigour with which we usually attack the budget deficit (ahem). Not long after the kick off we saw that the H in HAC was something of a misnomer as one of their back row, a scruffy Northern type, sought to remove the head of our fly half Biffo with an unseemly and wholly illegal high tackle.
The referee based his officiating philosophy around a materialistic approach, something which we at BoE fully embrace, and awarded a penalty. As strangers to strict regulation we thought this more than adequate and were happy with the resulting lineout in the opposition 22. Like £1.3bn in the hands of a certain Swiss bank we lost the lineout but were still rewarded with a bonus when a member of the cool brigade's back three kicked ahead only for our flying wing "the Duke" to return it with 20% interest - textbook stuff Dukey. Quick ball saw our giant lock 'Bunny' unleashed in midfield and he cut through the oppo midfield quicker than David Cameron cutting through all this Euro-b0ll0cks at a summit meeting. Our scrum half Sir Lovesabeer converted. 7-0 to the Bank.
Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse as the "H"AC fought their way back in to our territory and won a lineout near the 22. They set up a rolling maul which came as quite a surprise having heard from a chum from school who knows their 13 just how good their backs are, and wouldn't you know it they scored. 7-7 Things went from bad to worse as said 13 began probing our corners like the FSA looking in to the CDS market. Twice he kicked over us and twice got the rub of the green with the bounce of the ball. The first try went to their flanker, not the burly brute from Burnley but a rather erudite young chap who I have a suspicion may work in finance. He touched down, but not before I had given him my card, to make the scores 7-14.
Sensing they had spotted a gap in our market the Eastenders tried the very same trick again and wouldn't you know it, it came off for them! This time their 13 caught our winger ours unawares and collected his own kick to dot down making the score 21-7 It was time to begin with some quantitative easing to the scoreboard and after a few phases of possession, each time venturing further and further in to the heart of enemy territory, we had created such an overlap that Biffo merely needed to chip the ball across to the Flying Scotsman (not his nationality but his preferred method of transport) who ran in for a try which was finished as neatly as the wall papering in my den. 14-21 and we weren't done yet. Sir Lovesabeer kicked a penalty making the score 17-21.
Now we were done... and so was the half. After halftime tangerines and a rousing speech on the long term prospects of the FTSE we set about trying to dismantle this lot from the wrong side of the tracks but to no avail. As the second half pottered along the Army boys managed to earn more and more possession. Not knowing anybody who earns more than me outside of the 1st XV I was taken aback by this which may explain how they managed yet another try from a driving maul despite what my chum had told me about their backs! I'm not sure who scored for them but it may have been the Northern one again. 17-26.
At this point I was not alone in having one foot in the clubhouse and was feeling the effects of taking my clients to Secrets the night before. Needless to say that the wife wouldn't approve but what wifey doesn't know etc. etc. anyway I was thinking long and hard about which interior to get in my Christmas Jag when the sneaky Easties struck us another blow. This time they finally did use their backs and their other winger managed to find his way over the line for what one could only applaud as a well finished try. 17-31
Just as we thought it was time for showers and networking the blighters struck a final blow that ended proceedings on a sour note for the BoE. A new flanker, this one a thoroughly well spoken sort who clearly owns land and probably has a fine pack of Labradors in his pantry, took a crash ball and ploughed through our midfield like a farmer with a plough...one assumes. He was finally hauled down but managed the sort of offload I wish I'd made with my Enron shares 10 years ago. The ball popped up to their 13 who proceeded to execute a series of jinks, jukes, steps and fends that was so complex it made a CDO look straightforward and so excessive given the support outside him that it made last weeks Goldman Sachs Christmas party look positively frugal by comparison. The end result was a try making the final score. 17-36
After a bit of socialising in the bar (just the 8 pints for me) I discovered that several of their chaps went to private schools and some even live in South West London which explains a lot about their rugby. Needless to say I've put out some feelers for next season after all it's not what you know is it? It wasn't the best game for us but despite their superior technical and athletic ability we got the feeling that we still wanted it more than the HAC and it will be interesting to see how they get on against the new money team of the league London Nigerian next week. Unfortunately I am away skiing so can't make it to our game chaps but make sure you let my secretary know your availability and she will post team sheets out to you by recorded delivery before c.o.b. Thursday. T.T.F.N. Milo"
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Bank of England:eng: 17-36 H.A.C.:horse:
"After a leisurely breakfast of French pastries, Italian coffee and a quick scan of the weekend FT the rag tag mob that make up the Bank of England 1st XV congregated at Bank Lane sports ground to welcome the top of the table team from across London, the Honourable Artillery Company.
Clearly overwhelmed by the prospect of playing on London's finest amateur rugby ground the alternative chaps from East London arrived in dribs and drabs and seemingly without any tackle bags or even their coach! Sensing that we may have caught these hipsters on an off day we warmed up with extra vim and huddled, loudly before the game to display our eagerness for the task at hand. After a last minute massage and the customary awarding of shirts to new caps from Sir Mervyn we took to the field fully intent on upsetting the opposition balance sheet and reducing their points difference with the same vigour with which we usually attack the budget deficit (ahem). Not long after the kick off we saw that the H in HAC was something of a misnomer as one of their back row, a scruffy Northern type, sought to remove the head of our fly half Biffo with an unseemly and wholly illegal high tackle.
The referee based his officiating philosophy around a materialistic approach, something which we at BoE fully embrace, and awarded a penalty. As strangers to strict regulation we thought this more than adequate and were happy with the resulting lineout in the opposition 22. Like £1.3bn in the hands of a certain Swiss bank we lost the lineout but were still rewarded with a bonus when a member of the cool brigade's back three kicked ahead only for our flying wing "the Duke" to return it with 20% interest - textbook stuff Dukey. Quick ball saw our giant lock 'Bunny' unleashed in midfield and he cut through the oppo midfield quicker than David Cameron cutting through all this Euro-b0ll0cks at a summit meeting. Our scrum half Sir Lovesabeer converted. 7-0 to the Bank.
Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse as the "H"AC fought their way back in to our territory and won a lineout near the 22. They set up a rolling maul which came as quite a surprise having heard from a chum from school who knows their 13 just how good their backs are, and wouldn't you know it they scored. 7-7 Things went from bad to worse as said 13 began probing our corners like the FSA looking in to the CDS market. Twice he kicked over us and twice got the rub of the green with the bounce of the ball. The first try went to their flanker, not the burly brute from Burnley but a rather erudite young chap who I have a suspicion may work in finance. He touched down, but not before I had given him my card, to make the scores 7-14.
Sensing they had spotted a gap in our market the Eastenders tried the very same trick again and wouldn't you know it, it came off for them! This time their 13 caught our winger ours unawares and collected his own kick to dot down making the score 21-7 It was time to begin with some quantitative easing to the scoreboard and after a few phases of possession, each time venturing further and further in to the heart of enemy territory, we had created such an overlap that Biffo merely needed to chip the ball across to the Flying Scotsman (not his nationality but his preferred method of transport) who ran in for a try which was finished as neatly as the wall papering in my den. 14-21 and we weren't done yet. Sir Lovesabeer kicked a penalty making the score 17-21.
Now we were done... and so was the half. After halftime tangerines and a rousing speech on the long term prospects of the FTSE we set about trying to dismantle this lot from the wrong side of the tracks but to no avail. As the second half pottered along the Army boys managed to earn more and more possession. Not knowing anybody who earns more than me outside of the 1st XV I was taken aback by this which may explain how they managed yet another try from a driving maul despite what my chum had told me about their backs! I'm not sure who scored for them but it may have been the Northern one again. 17-26.
At this point I was not alone in having one foot in the clubhouse and was feeling the effects of taking my clients to Secrets the night before. Needless to say that the wife wouldn't approve but what wifey doesn't know etc. etc. anyway I was thinking long and hard about which interior to get in my Christmas Jag when the sneaky Easties struck us another blow. This time they finally did use their backs and their other winger managed to find his way over the line for what one could only applaud as a well finished try. 17-31
Just as we thought it was time for showers and networking the blighters struck a final blow that ended proceedings on a sour note for the BoE. A new flanker, this one a thoroughly well spoken sort who clearly owns land and probably has a fine pack of Labradors in his pantry, took a crash ball and ploughed through our midfield like a farmer with a plough...one assumes. He was finally hauled down but managed the sort of offload I wish I'd made with my Enron shares 10 years ago. The ball popped up to their 13 who proceeded to execute a series of jinks, jukes, steps and fends that was so complex it made a CDO look straightforward and so excessive given the support outside him that it made last weeks Goldman Sachs Christmas party look positively frugal by comparison. The end result was a try making the final score. 17-36
After a bit of socialising in the bar (just the 8 pints for me) I discovered that several of their chaps went to private schools and some even live in South West London which explains a lot about their rugby. Needless to say I've put out some feelers for next season after all it's not what you know is it? It wasn't the best game for us but despite their superior technical and athletic ability we got the feeling that we still wanted it more than the HAC and it will be interesting to see how they get on against the new money team of the league London Nigerian next week. Unfortunately I am away skiing so can't make it to our game chaps but make sure you let my secretary know your availability and she will post team sheets out to you by recorded delivery before c.o.b. Thursday. T.T.F.N. Milo"
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