Abuse... But not at me

[Constantine]

I have seen this happen every season, so I figure it'd be good to get some ideas on how to handle it.

Basically, I often hear parents and coaches abusing their own team. Yelling at their kids when they make mistakes or are 'not trying hard enough.'

This happens a lot once you get to U13, but last year I overheard one parent being nasty and sarcastic to their 8-year-old.

I never quite know what to do about this. The abuse isn't directed at me, and it's only rarely ongoing enough to affect the game. But I feel like I should do something - that kind of stuff makes kids hate sport.

Any ideas?

 

[Simon Thomas]

We all have a duty of care toward the players and so I suggest a quiet word to alert the team's coach that it is going on.

 

[Account Deleted]

We have a code of conduct with regard to the behaviour of players, coaches, supporters, committeemen and REFS. ANY abuse should be reported. All participants in the game deserve to be treated fairly.

I'd be surprised if you do not have similar.

 

[Account Deleted]

I refereed an U13 game a few years back where the away coach continually barracked his players and an opposition player making reference to his alleged requirement for "remedial education". After the game the coach forced the players to do press ups as a punishment for their display.

I did not witness the first two problems but I did witness the last.

I spoke to other coaches (he was the head coach) and express my displeasure with the punishment. Several of the home sides supporters reported to me the abuse of players. I told them to report the matter via the code of conduct and that I would be reporting the post match abuse of the players. Reports went in and both he and others were banned from their club. Sadly the age group at that club disbanded in the fall out from the incident and other similar problems that had occurred during the season. Several of the players moved elsewhere.

The crazy thing was that the players were hard working triers who just were not as good as the home side (a very talented team) So the "punishment" a disgrace on two levels. First the players had done nothing wrong (unless you consider just not being good enough a fault) and it was morally wrong.

 

[didds]

If somebody is shouting at a 7 year old in a negative manner such as you intimate then that is mental & emotional abuse.

ie child abuse.

Report it.

If sides collapse becaise of the abusing adults being removed then that is NOT a negative - it is still protecting the players. If they go to another club then the game has not lost out and neither have they in the long term. Its a shame if some mplayers are lost to the game but their welfare is paarmount. Lets hope if they are lost to rugby some other pasttime gains them.

didds

didds

 

[Browner]

We all have a duty of care toward the players and so I suggest a quiet word to alert the team's coach that it is going on.

if any parent does that publically they'll do a lot worse in private. In addition the coach will almost certainly be aware already and if s/he's not minded to have already addressed it then its unlikely s/he's got the backbone to deal with it properly. I'd also mention it to the coach as ST advises.

5 years ago I had a lad join (from soccer) whose dad berated him for any error as well as being a position on pitch nag, I explained to the parent that it wasn't helping his sons confidence. Dad didn't immediately desist, so I invited to train with our coaches on our touch rugby night, packaged as the normal new dad welcomisation to the sport , to aid his understanding ....

. Every time he made an error I (and the mates i'd briefed) delivered a barrage (and expletive) of personal criticism at him ...... It became a standing joke, we all laughed it off including him, and he took the message & he changed his ways towards 'supporting' his son....

Occasionally he'd regress, but all it then took was a glance between us to bring the 'hands up' apology... & we all know what happened.........the sons error count has reduced as his experience and skill sets improved. He's still a player and although not a superstar he's thriving, his dad has grown so far that he's been heard semi preaching & challenging footy parents or so I've been told ....!

 

[Constantine]

As has been said, if I am noticing it then the coach has definitely noticed and either hasn't said anything, or hasn't gotten through. In one game there was a Dad who walked up and down the sideline screaming till he was red in the face. All at his son or his sons team. Apparently I copped a lot of abuse that game too, (under 12 rugby-srs bizness) and I didn't notice, but I noticed that Dad.

Probably the best course of action is to let the club know. They're responsible for making sure the kids are safe and enjoying the game, plus a word from someone who knows the parent is more likely to be effective, and sensitive enough.