Juggling rugby with relationships

[Lee Lifeson-Peart]

(transferred epithet, or zeugma, or syllepsis – take your pick).

Much clearer.

I suspect you're good at scrabble, although whether you're able to find anyone to play with is another matter entirely.

I am still not sure whether you are taking the piss out of me or trying to be helpful. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and put it down to my bad day at work.

 

[Phil E]

Much clearer.

I suspect you're good at scrabble, although whether you're able to find anyone to play with is another matter entirely.

I am still not sure whether you are taking the piss out of me or trying to be helpful. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and put it down to my bad day at work.

I think the main problem here is that they don't speak English in Yorkshire :wow: :biggrin: :bday:

 

[Dixie]

I think the main problem here is that they don't speak English in Yorkshire :wow: :biggrin: :bday:

'E by gum, ecky thump and bar tat! That's a rotten accusation to make, Phil. I can't begin to think where you're coming from with that.

 

[Phil E]

'E by gum, ecky thump and bar tat! That's a rotten accusation to make, Phil. I can't begin to think where you're coming from with that.

Well my wife is from Leeds, so I should know.:=

 

[Lee Lifeson-Peart]

Well my wife is from Leeds, so I should know.:=

We had this dicussion before when you said (quite rightly) that the M1 is cobbled after Sheffield! :biggrin:

I will happily take English lessons from anyone - except................. a Brummie! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

 

[beckett50]

Thought for one moment I'd logged onto relate.org :wow:

On a personal note my wife accepts that from September to May all Saturday's are given to rugby.

Sunday's we keep pure - unless a jiucy game comes up.

You have to work it out between the 2 of you, but sounds like something is just gonna have to give.

 

[OB..]

I suspect you're good at scrabble

I don't like the game. At a high level it is far too artificial in the words allowed. At family level it gets boring while you wait for someone else to muck up your carefully chosen placement, and the unfairness of the draw is too apparent.

Now Boggle is a different thing entirely. Everybody has the same information, and you can have several games before people get bored.

 

[Lee Lifeson-Peart]

I don't like the game. At a high level it is far too artificial in the words allowed. At family level it gets boring while you wait for someone else to muck up your carefully chosen placement, and the unfairness of the draw is too apparent.

Now Boggle is a different thing entirely. Everybody has the same information, and you can have several games before people get bored.

...and the piss taking? Although I said I'd give you the benefit of the doubt so forget it!

 

[Padster]

My wife did resent rugby for a while but I just kept quiet and carried on. She started helping out. I also got involved in cricket and running youth sides after a few years. She started helping out. As it is played in summer and she could sit and read her books etc. We have both been shift workers all our married life so it has been an interesting juggling act.
We were looking at taking more holidays together etc now that the kids are older (23 & 21) but she is in hospital and will pass away due to a malignant brain tumour. It makes me question whether we made the best use of our time together or whether I gave enough time to her and the kids.
Enjoy life as it can be snatched too soon.

 

[OB..]

Padster - my sympathy to you both (and the kids).

But do what you can now. The past has gone.

 

[dave_clark]

Paddy, very sorry to hear that mate.

 

[ex-lucy]

pablo .. you are from a diff generation and i think your current generation's womenfolk have diff expectations of relationships than mine ...
so diff for me to advise ...
I compromised, I gave up cricket ....
I also made myself so grumpy when i wasnt playing (injured or bad weather etc) that she begged me to go to rugby on Sats ... I didnt quite cry but nearly.
I took her out on a few nights out with the lads ...

I think i would advise as follows ..
find a compromise...
Refuse to officiate on a Sunday (unless you are not reffing on a Sat)
Ask powers that be how long do they see you having a 'career' at group
Say 5 yrs?
Then say to her indoors ... 5 yrs .... 5 yrs ... then i am all yours.

But what i said to my wife in times of crisis is ... "if you love a butterfly, you should let it go .."
or .... if you dont let me play rugby i will always hold it against you.

 

[OB..]

If you give up rugby to be with her, what will that entail?

Cynically - shopping, watching Coronation Street, America's Next Top Model.

Needs clarification.

 

[ex-lucy]

re: shopping ... anyone seen that letter form Tescos to a woman?
i shall print it under non rugby forum ... not quite apt here in relate.org .... or may be it is?

 

[OB..]

The one listing the things her husband had done? Some good ideas in there!

 

[Phil E]

We had this dicussion before when you said (quite rightly) that the M1 is cobbled after Sheffield! :biggrin:

I will happily take English lessons from anyone - except................. a Brummie! :biggrin: :biggrin: :biggrin:

I think your getting me mixed up with ex-lucy, who works in Brummijam. It is starting to rub off on him as he now goes to work in clogs and drinks Bovril.

I on the other hand am from Warwickshire:

We have William Shakespear, they have Jasper Carrott!
We have Warwick Castle, they have The Bullring!
We have The Cotswolds, they have Handsworth!
I speak the Queen's English, thy speak Brummie!

 

[Lee Lifeson-Peart]

I think your getting me mixed up with ex-lucy, who works in Brummijam. It is starting to rub off on him as he now goes to work in clogs and drinks Bovril.

I on the other hand am from Warwickshire:

We have William Shakespear, they have Jasper Carrott!
We have Warwick Castle, they have The Bullring!
We have The Cotswolds, they have Handsworth!
I speak the Queen's English, thy speak Brummie!

Roit!!!

 

[Pablo]

Everybody - thanks for the many thought-provoking posts (and the p!ss-taking ones - Phil and Lee, I'm looking at you! )

To address a few posts:

- My avatar is Avril Lavigne, left over from the solidarity-with-Nick's-Celine-Dion phase. I haven't got around to changing it back.

- I don't have to referee both days of a weekend - the weekend just gone and the one just coming are flukes because of snow cancellations. It's just Sod's Law that they're back to back. In hindsight, I should have cancelled the less important game from the past weekend as soon as I knew that the snow game was being moved to Sunday.

- At no stage am I suggesting that I would "give up rugby for her", and neither would she ask me to - but I would seriously consider no longer pushing my career forwards and settling down at L6 for as long as my legs can cope.

- Didn't try crying. Good suggestion though - might break that out in the future

- Padster - my sincere sympathies to you and the family. Also, many thanks for posting - it's the most eye-opening message on the thread, and can't have been easy for you to share.

All of which leads me to the frank chat that she and I had last night. She is quite understanding of how important rugby is to me, and doesn't want me to quit on the possibility of further promotions. However, I'm going to have to work a little harder at squeezing relationship stuff into the gaps between rugby and work - starting by standing my ground with appointments folk to avoid double-headers.

If and when promotion to Group happens, we'll re-assess the time commitment, and see what the right course of action is.

Thanks all, and apologies to beckett for making him think he'd clicked the wrong link in his favourites :Zip:

 

[Bryan]

I am surpised nobody has mentioned how their partner actually supports them in their endeavours. You make it seem as if it is either Rugby OR her. Has anyone considered that it might be rugby BECAUSE of her or that less of her means less rugby b/c you have to do more? Maybe by you being away at rugby she can do things she would not normally do (No, NOT shag the milkman).

No doubt you're all better people (and maybe better referees) b/c of them. It`s not a bad idea when it comes to dealing or managing conflict (on the pitch) to get a different view from someone who knows FA about the sport.

We all have 24 hours in a day; it`s how we manage this time that makes the difference in our lives.

Pablo, best of luck in managing and accepting change. It may also be worth raising this to your Fed or Group manager to keep them aware of any new constraints.

 

[KML1]

Guys, sorry for coming to this late.

I think the key words in all this are balance and understanding. The Present Mrs KML1 has always been of the view (of her own making) that I was refereeing before she came on the scene and she knows of my ability and ambition, and wouldnt stop me from getting there. However, as soon as I was aware of her "keeper" status, I changed my outlook. It coincided with me getting on to the SEG and I was quite clear that I would cut back from potentially 3 games a week (midweek, Sat & Sun) to just the one. Also, the higher level games took it out of me more, physically so I struggled to do Sat and Sun's anyway. Since then, I have only ever done double headers on a handful of well-planned occaisions. And wherever I am on a Sat, I always go home so I have a full Sunday with her.

As you get higher, the intensity of expectation goes with it. ST alluded to the Group guys commitments. On the panel, it is all that, plus personal DVD analysis and bi-monthly sessions with Mr Leyshon. That is on top of our Society commitments. Also, every game I get a DVD and have to try and squeeze in some analysis.

With little junior KML1 now on the scene, things have stepped up again and the RFU team know and understand. My last few weeks appts have thus been within 70 miles of home.

Not easy, and its about finding what works. Ive always found that the Society teams fully understand as long as you are open and frank about your commitment. If you are up front about it with them as well, then they work with you to get you to where they want you to be. As you say, they are pushing you for Fed, they will accomodate your desire to get there with the actuality of modern day relationships.

Hope that helps