Hi Paule23 - as a ref of a fair few years long standing in your society happy to give you my insights on ref/team positive behaviours that I hope help. Early in the post, you asked if societies have platforms where ref/coaches get together. Actually we do both at pre and end of season, but in truth coach attendance has been poor and it is something I'll raise with our President. We have also tried to engage with coaches to enhance relationships - this link to our website is a pointer of our message
http://www.westrefs.com/club-call/4579619753 (sorry not sure how to add it as a link!). Personally, I have always made myself available to go to clubs to help coach on areas of play that are letting the team down (distance allowing) just the offer helps. In reality, many of us are ex players/coaches and we will get many of our future refs from the clubs we referee - it is mutual beneficial for us to get on.
End of match procedure for me is simple; I seek out the coaches en route to the tunnel for a shake of hands and then join the tunnel before following the teams through. I know this next past is easy to say, but maybe harder to do, but at the end of the game I am always positive and use positive assertive body language - strong eye contact, smile and am confident in the decisions i made. I minimise the players a chance to be disrespectful. Any back chat (and it happens) is dealt with positively; personally I like the line 'of course I'ma sh*t referee, if I was any good do you think I'd be reffing you?!"
We all have bad games and even in being positive I am not averse to admitting that post game; "i take your point, from a different angle it may have been a try, but I can only ref what I can see"; it seems to go down well and take the sting out of the moment. Finally, do feedback to your coaching teams your unhappiness, we do monitor any problem teams and take a dim view on a lack of hospitality/respect and you will get good support from the coaches and the old farts like me.
Our next meeting is on Feb 1st, (details on our website) come along and lets get your views out in the open. Whistle up!