Refereeing your partner

[Constantine]

This is a hypothetical, because I don't referee the grade my bloke plays in anyway, but what do yous all think about whether or not a referee should officiate in a match their partner is playing in?

I think Steve Walsh and Melodie Robinson were dating while Robinson was still playing, so the question isn't completely pointless -Walsh would have been in the mix for refereeing Black Ferns games.

So, yes, thoughts?

 

[Simon Thomas]

Same thoughts as for parent reffing child, or child reffing parent.

Recent thread on that.

Personally I would not appoint a Society Referee to an adult match their offspring are playing in, especially at League or Cup levels. But at schools and youth club level it happens especially the younger you go from pure practicalities of him/ her being the only club referee available.

 

[Drift]

What's the difference for refereeing friends? I referee a number of my mates a few times a year with no issues, we all just put aside our friendship for a couple of hours whilst we are on the pitch.

 

[The Fat]

What's the difference for refereeing friends? I referee a number of my mates a few times a year with no issues, we all just put aside our friendship for a couple of hours whilst we are on the pitch.

Agree.
A couple of years ago my son gave his best mate a YC (entirely deserved I might add).
It has been said by a few people on here that they tend to be a bit harder on their own club teams when reffing them. I don't think I am, but they do know not to expect any favours:hap:

 

[RobLev]

This is a hypothetical, because I don't referee the grade my bloke plays in anyway, but what do yous all think about whether or not a referee should officiate in a match their partner is playing in?

I think Steve Walsh and Melodie Robinson were dating while Robinson was still playing, so the question isn't completely pointless -Walsh would have been in the mix for refereeing Black Ferns games.

So, yes, thoughts?

I've been in the position a few times when I was fencing regularly, since my wife also fenced and in smaller competitions the early roundrobin pools would either preside (referee) themselves or rope someone else in. Quite often she was the only person in her pool who could/was confident enough to preside, which meant they needed outside help in bouts she was fencing in.

I steered clear when I could. I'd always declare my interest; however it's all very well getting everyone to agree at the beginning that they wanted me to preside but, as soon as you make a tight call in your partner's favour, attitudes can change. Since the whole reason for my being there was they wanted someone to make the tight calls...

It can be easier if everyone involved knows you both.

I don't agree with those who say it's the same as refereeing your child; it's more problematic than that, in that the parent-child relationship involves discipline going only one way. And unless I misunderstand the kind of friends that Drift is talking about, friends are an entirely different kettle of fish.

 

[FlipFlop]

Twice refereed Ex's. That was fun. 1 had the worse game I ever saw her play in. The other got Yellow carded, and captain decided not to bring her back on.....

Not something I can recommend!

 

[Dixie]

AS ever - try to avoid it. But if needs must, a referee is quite capable of reffing what's in front of them, rather than favouring their partner/son/daughter/friend/club

 

[Browner]

This is a hypothetical, because I don't referee the grade my bloke plays in anyway, but what do yous all think about whether or not a referee should officiate in a match their partner is playing in?

I think Steve Walsh and Melodie Robinson were dating while Robinson was still playing, so the question isn't completely pointless -Walsh would have been in the mix for refereeing Black Ferns games.

So, yes, thoughts?

I can't imagine the IRB would ever appoint for a top level match, there are commercial rewards attached to playing success and aside from the obvious 'opportunity' for favouritism insinuations this would be too great a conflict of interests.

At grass roots, smart Society's would avoid if possible. I wouldn't mind, I'm confident in my unbiased when whistling integrity.

 

[OB..]

What's the difference for refereeing friends?

There is a significant difference in the degree of closeness.

I wouldn't mind, I'm confident in my unbiased when whistling integrity.

You might be, but would others share your view if calls went against them?

Clearly a situation to be avoided if at all possible simply because of perceptions.

 

[Blackberry]

What's the difference for refereeing friends? I referee a number of my mates a few times a year with no issues, we all just put aside our friendship for a couple of hours whilst we are on the pitch.

After reffing some of my mates I found they put our friendship aside for considerably longer.

 

[crossref]

. I wouldn't mind, I'm confident in my unbiased when whistling integrity.

you may be - but in the other thread many posters here report how they are biased - deliberately biased - when reffing their own teams. by being deliberately harder on them.

 

[Na Madrai]

Although a little off topic, I am reminded of an experience I had a year or two ago - stop me if I have told you this before!

On a Saturday afternoon, I was down my local watching a Six Nations' match. In the next room was a young lady who introduced herself to me as someone whom I had refereed on a couple of occasions in previous seasons - I had since climbed up to slightly higher levels. We agreed a date for the following Friday night, poor lass.

Next day, I turned up to referee my regular Sunday afternoon match only to discover that this young girl was playing - she too had climbed up to slightly higher levels. Anyway, to cut a potentially long story short, she had a mare of a game and towards the end, I was forced to RC her after she kicked an opponent in the head - fortunately, the latter had a scrum cap on and suffered no injury.

For some unknown reason, the lass did not talk to me in the clubhouse afterwards and as for the date ........

I have often thought, could the fact that the two of us were potentially amiable outside the game had affected the manner in which I refereed her - thus contributing to the standard of her play in that particular match? I suppose I will never know.

It was not a set-up either, for you cynics out there, there is no way that she could know that I would be in the pub that Saturday afternoon as I would normally be refereeing somewhere!

NM

 

[Wert Twacky]

Many years ago i refereed my ex (a front row player) in a few friendlies (pub team) and pre-seaon warm-up games at (as it was then) our local club (Level 8 team). It was never easy and while it didn't effect how i refereed the game, it's the perception from others as a few others have rightly said.

In this case it didn't matter, but in league fixtures, etc, it should be avoided. Self-protection for you and your Society/Association IMHO.

And now for the anecdote...

In the pre-season warm-up game (a pretty full-on encounter against a L7 side), me and said ex chap "exchanged a few words" shall we say at half-time as i had pinged their scrum a couple of times.
The opposition captain wandered over and had a pop at my ex for the way he spoke to me!
(And no, i did not dump my ex and make off with the other fella....) ;-)

 

[Constantine]

In the pre-season warm-up game (a pretty full-on encounter against a L7 side), me and said ex chap "exchanged a few words" shall we say at half-time as i had pinged their scrum a couple of times.
The opposition captain wandered over and had a pop at my ex for the way he spoke to me!
(And no, i did not dump my ex and make off with the other fella....) ;-)

At least not immediately

 

[Drift]

There is a significant difference in the degree of closeness.

I often referee my best man from my wedding. Doesn't change it at all, we just respect the pitch and what happens out there stays out there and then will have a discussion about differing viewpoints over a beer in the changing rooms.

If you can't do that with your partner perhaps the relationship isn't as strong as you initially thought...

 

[Constantine]

I often referee my best man from my wedding. Doesn't change it at all, we just respect the pitch and what happens out there stays out there and then will have a discussion about differing viewpoints over a beer in the changing rooms.

If you can't do that with your partner perhaps the relationship isn't as strong as you initially thought...

The closest I've come is ARing a game where a friend-with-benefits was playing. I will admit to being occasionally distracted by the thought "I know what the halfback looks like naked and panting" - I won't assume anything about your relationship with your best man, but odds on you don't have to deal with that. Or the subconscious worry that if you don't referee well, you might not get to see what that looks like again.

*note: It was a dull game.

 

[Drift]

The closest I've come is ARing a game where a friend-with-benefits was playing. I will admit to being occasionally distracted by the thought "I know what the halfback looks like naked and panting" - I won't assume anything about your relationship with your best man, but odds on you don't have to deal with that. Or the subconscious worry that if you don't referee well, you might not get to see what that looks like again.

*note: It was a dull game.

No, I don't have to deal with that at all. However if you have a nagging feeling that if you mess up 1-2 calls in a game your relationship will be over then in my eyes there is something wrong with the relationship IMHO. Especially if something as trivial as 1-2 calls in a rugby game means it would come to an end.

 

[OB..]

No, I don't have to deal with that at all. However if you have a nagging feeling that if you mess up 1-2 calls in a game your relationship will be over [...]

Why exaggerate? There is a broad spectrum of emotions that can be involved. At the other end of it is a person who, for some outside reason, you cannot stand. For a referee, personal neutrality is best, and the further you move away from that,the more likely you are to get a problem. That said, some people will be better at managing it than others.

 

[Drift]

Why exaggerate?

I hardly think I exaggerated by joining these two sentences in 1 post together.

I will admit to being occasionally distracted by the thought "I know what the halfback looks like naked and panting"

Or the subconscious worry that if you don't referee well, you might not get to see what that looks like again.

There is a broad spectrum of emotions that can be involved. At the other end of it is a person who, for some outside reason, you cannot stand. For a referee, personal neutrality is best, and the further you move away from that,the more likely you are to get a problem. That said, some people will be better at managing it than others.

I don't disagree with what you are saying and my point wasn't trying to portray anyone was wrong to referee their friends or partners. My point was if you are worried about making 1-2 bad calls in a game ruining whatever relationship you have with a player (friend, partner, friends with benefits) then clearly that relationship isn't as strong as people think it is. It's not difficult to respect the pitch and what happens out there stays out there.

Exactly the same with playing, if you have a punch up with a player on the pitch hopefully it gets left on the pitch and you can apologise off it. Look at Ma'afu and Youngs from last weekend as a great example what my point is.

 

[Dickie E]

The closest I've come is ARing a game where a friend-with-benefits was playing. I will admit to being occasionally distracted by the thought "I know what the halfback looks like naked and panting" - I won't assume anything about your relationship with your best man, but odds on you don't have to deal with that. Or the subconscious worry that if you don't referee well, you might not get to see what that looks like again.

*note: It was a dull game.

I frequently have to referee a dispute between my wife and my son.

Unfortunately, seems to have had no impact on opportunities to see them both naked. ;(