Society problems
- Thread starter Chickref
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dave_clark
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do you have any specific problems you can (or want to) share with us?
This sounds more of a rant than anything else (which is fine; I'm not judging that at all, we do it all the time).
If you hit a roadblock, you either need to find a work-around, or consider whether you can go any further (if not, then I wouldnt keep driving into a wall). I'm not going to tell you "it will pass". It might not. You'll have to make that decision yourself.
If it's out of your control, then there's not much you can do.
If you hit a roadblock, you either need to find a work-around, or consider whether you can go any further (if not, then I wouldnt keep driving into a wall). I'm not going to tell you "it will pass". It might not. You'll have to make that decision yourself.
If it's out of your control, then there's not much you can do.
JDET
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why do you use those words. No matter which club or society you are with, pride comes from within.
Deeps
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The trick is to be yourself. Do what you do to the best of your ability, soldier on, keep your head down and someone important will notice eventually. Don't forget that you have years of apprenticeship to go through before you can be considered a craftswoman(?), the craft has to be learned. After your first 500 games, take stock and see where you are.
Be realistic about your expectations too; not everyone will soar to the top of the pyramid in no time flat, if at all. Some will, many will overtake you though most will make up the broad base of the pyramid for the stars to perch on the top. Be content with that. By all means look for positives but don't expect to get them all at once; just get out there and enjoy yourself. :wink:
Be realistic about your expectations too; not everyone will soar to the top of the pyramid in no time flat, if at all. Some will, many will overtake you though most will make up the broad base of the pyramid for the stars to perch on the top. Be content with that. By all means look for positives but don't expect to get them all at once; just get out there and enjoy yourself. :wink:
If you have the appetite for trying to resolve the problem, then why don't the group of you get together and ask for the facts behind whatever it is that has upset you? It is best if you can avoid being confrontational, hard though that may be.
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OB & Deeps have it spot on.
It's a hard pill to swallow that we are not all IRB referees inside, or even top level refs at our association/society.
I have seen the favouritism machine in effect, and it's dreadfully demoralising when you see people get to somewhere because of who they are friends with, not how they referee.
But that is true for MOST walks of life, and only the best organisations don't have it.
It's a hard pill to swallow that we are not all IRB referees inside, or even top level refs at our association/society.
I have seen the favouritism machine in effect, and it's dreadfully demoralising when you see people get to somewhere because of who they are friends with, not how they referee.
But that is true for MOST walks of life, and only the best organisations don't have it.
Many years ago we were on tour and when we started changing for the final game, I noticed one of the young lads, who hadn't yet played, was not changing. Apparently he had not been picked, although he did want to play, so one of the others said "You can have my place".
A bit later the chairman called me aside and demanded to know if I thought I was a selector. I said that Harry wanted to play and Fred had offered to stand down. "But we might lose!". I agreed. He decided not to challenge the team's decision.
He was a very effective chairman but would ride roughshod over you if you let him. I discovered that day that if you stood up to him, he would respect that, and we got on well for many years thereafter.
It doesn't always work out that well, but it is worth giving it a try.
A bit later the chairman called me aside and demanded to know if I thought I was a selector. I said that Harry wanted to play and Fred had offered to stand down. "But we might lose!". I agreed. He decided not to challenge the team's decision.
He was a very effective chairman but would ride roughshod over you if you let him. I discovered that day that if you stood up to him, he would respect that, and we got on well for many years thereafter.
It doesn't always work out that well, but it is worth giving it a try.
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Chickref :
as a Society Chairman for seven years and in dealing with the RFU regularly as well, plus being a RFU Group Assessor (level just below Panel), I know a fair bit about the politics etc that go on.
and I am the father of two daughters (one was a serious rugby player, other serious equine eventer) now in their late 20s, so I have been through the late teens "conversations" already.
happy to discuss your issues / problems in total confidence outside the forum through the message system, email or can give you a ring.
we can't afford to lose enthusiatic young referees like you.
as a Society Chairman for seven years and in dealing with the RFU regularly as well, plus being a RFU Group Assessor (level just below Panel), I know a fair bit about the politics etc that go on.
and I am the father of two daughters (one was a serious rugby player, other serious equine eventer) now in their late 20s, so I have been through the late teens "conversations" already.
happy to discuss your issues / problems in total confidence outside the forum through the message system, email or can give you a ring.
we can't afford to lose enthusiatic young referees like you.
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Does that apply to all of us? :biggrin:
I can think of a few problems I need to discuss :wink:
Seriously Chickref I would drop Simon a pm, you won't get better advice this side of the black stump
Dixie
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Chickref, I hope that things seem better after a night's sleep. If it is still eating you, I'd urge you to take up Simon Thomas's offer - I'd second Phil E's view that you are unlikely to find a more capable advocate on your behalf. Ask him to call you though - his company can afford it.
Taking wild stabs in the dark, I'd guess that you've become aware of facts that seem to suggest: a) people in authority consider your gender to count against you in a fair competition with blokes; b) people in authority consider your relative youth to count against you in a fair competition against other referees (usually blokes); and c) people in authority seem to consider that some complete to$$er is sufficiently more capable than you as a ref to warrant upgrading him while leaving you choking on his dust.
If this is at all accurate, then I'd offer this thought: selection for promotion is an imprecise art in any field, and there are usually more capable candidates to choose from than places to be filled. It's possible that the perception you've gained does the selectors an injustice. However, they can't (and won't actually want to) keep a good ref down for long. In this game, waiting for "dead men's shoes" takes less time than in many, as the physical demands on a ref mean that time takes an obvious toll in middle age. The effort of waiting probably weighs more heavily on a young and eager ref than on an ageing ex-player; but the log-jam will free itself in the not-too distant future. In the meantime, you can be honing your skills to make it harder and harder for them to ignore you when that happens. If you examine yourself critically, that honing process almost certainly needs to happen - few of us are as good as we'd like to be.
I'd also mention that this sort of thing is sadly a challenge you'll encounter in most aspects of your life. I hope you'll face the challenge and overcome it, rather than walking away from it. In your shoes I'd also change my view of why I ref; so stop reffing to represent your Association, and take the field to facilitate the players. Membership of the Association merely gives you a glow of reflected capability so that they have confidence in you at the kick-off; thereafter, give them confidence in you because of what you do, not because of which jersey you wear. That way, you can thrive despite the shitty Association, not because of it.
Taking wild stabs in the dark, I'd guess that you've become aware of facts that seem to suggest: a) people in authority consider your gender to count against you in a fair competition with blokes; b) people in authority consider your relative youth to count against you in a fair competition against other referees (usually blokes); and c) people in authority seem to consider that some complete to$$er is sufficiently more capable than you as a ref to warrant upgrading him while leaving you choking on his dust.
If this is at all accurate, then I'd offer this thought: selection for promotion is an imprecise art in any field, and there are usually more capable candidates to choose from than places to be filled. It's possible that the perception you've gained does the selectors an injustice. However, they can't (and won't actually want to) keep a good ref down for long. In this game, waiting for "dead men's shoes" takes less time than in many, as the physical demands on a ref mean that time takes an obvious toll in middle age. The effort of waiting probably weighs more heavily on a young and eager ref than on an ageing ex-player; but the log-jam will free itself in the not-too distant future. In the meantime, you can be honing your skills to make it harder and harder for them to ignore you when that happens. If you examine yourself critically, that honing process almost certainly needs to happen - few of us are as good as we'd like to be.
I'd also mention that this sort of thing is sadly a challenge you'll encounter in most aspects of your life. I hope you'll face the challenge and overcome it, rather than walking away from it. In your shoes I'd also change my view of why I ref; so stop reffing to represent your Association, and take the field to facilitate the players. Membership of the Association merely gives you a glow of reflected capability so that they have confidence in you at the kick-off; thereafter, give them confidence in you because of what you do, not because of which jersey you wear. That way, you can thrive despite the shitty Association, not because of it.
