shake and say sorry

[Davet]

"Can I leave it to you two to put this behind us?" and which point I have usually got a hand shake between them.

That's fine, they decide themselves without prompting.

 

[SimonSmith]

There was a rumor abut a Senior Referee in Hampshire who made two adult players skip around the field holding hands.

Shaking hands? Solves nothing that a well managed conflict resolution process (or good old fashioned bollocking) can't. Maybe it was just me, but on the odd occasion I had to do the handshake, my thought process was "I'll be getting you later pal", not "gosh, i'm glad that's all settled now"

 

[Browner]

I do not believe that a handshake in itself defuses the situation, and that is particularly true if the handshake is forced.

Isn't all diffusion 'forced'? commencing with 'propulsion of a Co2 thru a thunderer'

It was never suggested that it works "in itself" !

 

[Taff]

... It was never suggested that it works "in itself" !

... Players are encouraged [nay..invited] to shake hands .... [Humour helps -"try to shake hands without snarling like a angry badger who's been dumped by his girlfriend"] - or something similar.... you get them smiling-you've won !!

I think the man's got a point.

It clearly isn't going to work in every case (it probably won't even in the majority of cases) but there may be a time and a place where it could work wonders.

 

[Browner]

There was a rumor abut a Senior Referee in Hampshire who made two adult players skip around the field holding hands.

Shaking hands? Solves nothing that a well managed conflict resolution process (or good old fashioned bollocking) can't. Maybe it was just me, but on the odd occasion I had to do the handshake, my thought process was "I'll be getting you later pal", not "gosh, i'm glad that's all settled now"

If the outcome is the objective, then "whatever gets you there " gets my vote !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQcN9h2_zGU :wink:

Clearly, coming off secondbest , worked for white shirt !

 

[Browner]

I think the man's got a point.[/QUOTE

thanks taff

 

[Browner]

You have no authority to imposes your own personal idea that the players should shake hands

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvhhd36fxPw&playnext=1&list=PL5F68105805D3C877&feature=results_video

Only 13 Blue players joined in the grapplefest.... but our Nigel ..... insists all 15 Blue players come and listen to his general bollocking ......did he have the authority to impose his idea that they should come forward & listen ? probably not [they'd not been involved] .......but he did

does it matter? - if the outcome is achieved , the 'bigger picture' is the reward , is it not?

 

[didds]

"I don't know what started that, but it ends now. Clear?" The two shook hands and got on with the game.

Yes - but the ref didn;t TELL them to shake hands.

THAT was THEIR choice not one foisted upon them by someone "in charge".

didds

 

[didds]

Refusals are seen as further evidence of disrespect to sir :nono:

just so I understand... you in effect tell players to do something that in the laws you have no empowerment to do - and refusal will now create issues for that player?

How does THAT work?

So you'd YC a player that wouldn;t do a headstand if you told him to?

nahhh.

didds

 

[didds]

2] referee didn't deal with the first instance of 'handbags' with a 'handshake' , both players were still 'posturing and verbalising at each other as the match was continued.

Anyone guess what followed ??

And that was guaranteed not to have happened if they been forced to do something that didn't want to do? You're having a giraffe!

As fro 4 x U14s in a U16 mkatch... that's cschools for you. laws unto themselves.

didds

 

[didds]

Maybe it was just me, but on the odd occasion I had to do the handshake, my thought process was "I'll be getting you later pal", not "gosh, i'm glad that's all settled now"

+1

didds

 

[didds]

Isn't all diffusion 'forced'? commencing with 'propulsion of a Co2 thru a thunderer'

Probably mostly nitrogen.

didds

 

[didds]

"Can I leave it to you two to put this behind us?" and which point I have usually got a hand shake between them.

So did YOU instigate that handshake - or the players independently and voluntarily?

Its the insistence of the "power figure" I'm interested in, not what two people independently and voluntarily acheive through their won actions.


diddsdidds

 

[didds]

I do not believe that a handshake in itself defuses the situation, and that is particularly true if the handshake is forced.

Totally.

And IMO the enforced handshake "request" can only potentially escalate the issue if a refusal follows because now the authority figure has painted huimself into a corner with no law backed sanction available.

Didds

 

[didds]

I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

The evidence of this thread anmd certainly the coaching thread I instigated this enquiry from, would suggest otherwise. There are clearly _some_ (not many here to be fair) that feel that a handshake will somehow magically banish all thoughts of dislike and "hatred".

didds

 

[Taff]

So did YOU instigate that handshake - or the players independently and voluntarily?

But Didds, some children need prompting to say "please" and "thank you". They're kids ... and some have very few social skills; that doesn't make them bad. In some instances I can see a benefit, especially if combined with some humour as Browner suggested - just to difuse a situation and where a bit of mutual saving pride was needed.

so why then and not in seniors? we wouldn't be patronising children would we?

Why would prompting a kid to act like an adult be patronising? In fact it would probably make them feel more grown-up.

 

[didds]

But Didds, some children need prompting to say "please" and "thank you". They're kids ... and some have very few social skills; that doesn't make them bad.

I'm not sure I ever suggested they were "bad" - did I?

I am suggesting that forcing kids (or anyone) to do something that they possibly truly actually don't believe in the worth of, is hardly meaningful .

So I shook his hand and said sorrry. Well, I ain't sorry, and shaking that pillock's hand means nothing. In fact it REALLY just PISSED ME OFF!!!

Or I might just say "No". what you going to do now? send me off for not doing something the laws do not support me having to do?

Get real mister!!!



etc

didds

 

[Blackberry]

The evidence of this thread anmd certainly the coaching thread I instigated this enquiry from, would suggest otherwise. There are clearly _some_ (not many here to be fair) that feel that a handshake will somehow magically banish all thoughts of dislike and "hatred".

didds

Don't worry Didds, I don't think anybody on this forum has said or believed a handshake will somehow magically banish all thoughts of dislike and "hatred".

 

[Davet]

Only 13 Blue players joined in the grapplefest.... but our Nigel ..... insists all 15 Blue players come and listen to his general bollocking ......did he have the authority to impose his idea that they should come forward & listen ? probably not [they'd not been involved] .......but he did

yes- he can insist on talking to the entire team.

DO NOT TRY TO INSIST ON A HANDSHAKE.

Can I put it any plainer?

 

[Simon Thomas]

telling players (especially adults) to shake hands has no validity in the management tool-set I expect from a Society Referee.